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The Paultard

June 12th 2008 04:20
Continuing on from the 'Hysterical Progressives' post I made earlier I figure it's time to talk about another one of mother earths well intentioned lunatics.

The Paultard



Basic Description

Paultards are a clusterfuck of people who would normally hate each other but have been drawn together by the love for 'Doctor Ron Paul', they all think that Ron Paul agrees with them but the truth is Ron Paul agrees only with Ron Paul, if they find comfort in his arms it's only because they have overlapping views with Ron Paul’s ideologies.


Behavioural Patterns

Paultards find the need to obsessively 'dare to speak the truth' or spam the internet with youtube links to their fuehrer 'speaking the truth', they will continue to do so with never ending rage directed at but not limited to neo-cons, sheeple, liberals, blacks, whites, Asians, natives, communists and the freedom hating kitchen sink.

Paultards tend to populate Ron Paul community websites which contain many links to polls and websites that need to be visited and truthened up (i.e. slanted) for the benefit of the sheeple who are not aware of the existence of Doctor Ron Paul.

->What Truth?

The truth paultards hold dear to themselves are many and varied, some are racists, some are anti-war, some just want to smoke a joint. In any case the single greatest 'truth' paultards hold close to their hearts is that almost all Americans would vote for Doctor Ron Paul if they knew about what a great guy he was. They believe it is the 'MSM media' for keeping that from happening.


->Optimism

My favorite aspect of paultards is their optimism, they will always be finding new and ever creative ways to explain how Ron Paul won and how Ron Paul did good and how Ron Paul is awesome and how Ron Paul will win. Even now the primaries are over and it is amply clear Ron Paul didn't win jackshit they are finding reasons as to why and how he won. Of course the definition of 'victory' keeps getting watered down, before the primaries Ron Paul was going to be president, now apparently they knew all along that Ron Paul was only in it to 'inform' people of the truth so that 2012 will be the year of the Paultards.

->What Happened To All My College Funds?

Paultards gave generously to Ron Pauls campaign, but don't ask them what happened to their money, their violent reaction will show just how lost they are.

Typicality

Yes, Paultards are typical fanboys and are just as irrational. They will bash George Bush Senior for arguing that Civil Rights on a federal level is a violation of States Rights but will go over the edge of the earth defending Ron Paul for arguing the same thing. They will fondly talk of Ron Paul’s libertarian ideologies yet claim he's a doctor which makes him magically exempt from having to be pro-choice.

Ron Paul is also exempt from being held accountable to such statements as "there clearly is no right to privacy nor sodomy found anywhere in the Constitution" and adding "the State of Texas has the right to decide for itself how to regulate social matters like sex, using its own local standards" via.

His past behaviour in congress is also not a matter of concern as according to Paultards, his 'We the People Act' legislation which sought to make Churches and other religious organizations immune to the constitution and therefore the Supreme Court is also of no concern to anyone who loves liberty. If you do believe they are important things to look into then you are no more than a sheeple. Sorry, it's just how it is.

Why They Are The Way They Are

Paultards found their existence after a small libertarian grassroots movement realized Digg is the key to the internet, get something on the frontpage of Digg and it will spread like wildfire. So what they did was simple, spam digg to hell and back with Ron Paul stories, digging each others stories, creating dupe accounts and just generelly causing chaos to get the truth on the frontpage. It happened once, it happened again, soon people on digg, being the type who love to follow silly internet trends, started gobbling it up.

The Paultard was born.

Unlike the idiot supporters of other politicians such as John McCain or Barack Obama paultards are less inclined to keep their annoying dribble to themselves and instead use the internet almost exclusively to 'speak the truth'. This has a lot to do with how they came into existence, through spamming websites and this is the only way they can continue to exist. If the internet was turned off tomorrow paultards would cease to exist, they would have no medium in which to exist.

To Conclude

Paultards are just as batshit insane as any other obsessive fanboy though they differ in that they will always spam the internet and think that's progress, change and all that.
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I was cycling to my weekly 'Australians for Doctor Ron Paul' meetup in Sydney, Australia when a police officer bumped into me and knocked me off my bike. I fell down hard on my hand possibly grazing my knee, all I can say is thank god for my custom 'Ron Paul 08' helmet which saved my head from contact with the hard road just like how Doctor Ron Paul will save the global economy from hitting the pavement.

The policeman had delibrately pushed me, at the time I was quite phased so I thought it was my fault, I told him I was sorry. He looked at me through his sunglasses at my chest, I thought he was admiring my 'Ron Paul 08' T-Shirt. I chuckled and calmly explained to him how Doctor Ron Paul was a US Presidential candidate who would restore the constitution and bring peace and prosperity to the world which is why it mattered even to Australians that he be elected.

He sneared a bit, while poking me with his bayonett he asked 'is that right?' in a rhetorical kind of way. I of course didn't know it was a rhetorical question so I answered 'yeah, that's right' then elaborated on how Doctor Ron Pauls domestic policy should also be copied by the Australian government since the man knew what was good for a country.

I told him that I had to hurry otherwise I would miss my meetup and hopped onto my bicycle. But before I could ride off he tasered me from the back, I fell again, harder this time and grazed my other knee. I begged him to stop because I have a pacemaker and I was worried the electric shocks would break it, he laughed and tasered me again while I was on the floor. He then walked off while whistling to his police car and moments later came back, I was still in shock and on the floor from the taser shock. I was getting really worried my pacemaker might stop working.

Opening my pocket he slipped something in, then picked me up and slammed me against his police car, he handcuffed my hands really tightly and 'searched' me (though I think he was atually feeling me up). 'Well now, whats this?' he said as he pulled a packet of marijuanna out of my pocket. He must have planted it there!

He threw me in the car and took me to the police station where I was held for five days without trial. All the while I kept strong by remembering that if and when Doctor Ron Paul is elected president of the United States I will never have to deal with any of this tyranny. After I was released I told the policeman that he better enjoy his time of power over me because soon he will be put in his place by Doctor Ron Paul.
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There I said it, pending a change of citizenship and place of birth as well as a good additional twenty years to my life I would be best qualified to be the president of the United States, now let me tell you why:

I have considerable experience dealing with foreign countries and nations from all over the world. I know cultures like the back of my hand, I know Turkish people leave their shoes outside the house but Palestinians take it inside. I know certain *asian* cultures have their kitchens outside because the smell of the cooking would kill you in high concentrations inside your house.

I knew what the difference between Shiites and Sunnies before the Iraq war and I know that Kurds are Sunnis and the current classification system is broken because nationality does not equal religion.

I never voted for the Iraq war

I was born in the country we're at war with, surely that gives me some divine powers to know how to end it.

I never voted for the patriot act.

I've never voted to increase spending.

I've never voted to decrease spending.

I've never voted to raise taxes.

I've never voted to lower taxes.

I've never given into lobbyists

I've never turned a lobbyist down.

I know how to secure the borders

I know how to drink tea.

I hate Arabs

I hate westerners

I hate everyone

I love everyone

I have twelve years experience in the public sector, twenty years experience in the humanities sector

I've been a decorated soldier, in a computer game no less

I never once voted for war

I never once voted against war

I've never backed down on any decision I've made

I've never stubbornly held on to any decision I've made

I have by far the cleanest record of any candidate running for president in the history of the United States with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln

I'm white

I'm black

I'm brown

I can be a woman if I wanted

I can be the first white, black, brown, female transvestite president in the history of the United States, that beats what Hillary and Obama have times two.

I value puppy life more than human life

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

I can most certainly answer the phone 3am in the morning, heck, I'd take Hillary on and answer the phone 6am in the morning. I'm writing this and it's 5:30am for crying out loud.
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Liberal political commentator Chris Rock has a few uneducated things to say about George Bush because we all know liberals are people who criticize the bush administration because they are too afraid of how awesome the bush administration is.

On Elections: "Why would they have Election Day on a Tuesday? Would you hold a party on a Tuesday? No, cause you want people to come. They obviously don't want you showing up."

[ Click here to read more ]
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Denial

January 4th 2008 04:36
Now that Iowas polls are coming in Paultards have begun taking the steps of grief, the first of which being denial.

You've just seen the worst performance that Ron will EVER be capable of giving us. Iowa is his worst state. We know this. Why? Nearly 70% of them said they were happy with Bush (aka the anti-Paul). Iowa is HOSTILE territory for Ron Paul. We are so lucky that it was the first one. He will go up from here much like the fundraising graphs - steady as a rock.

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The Verdict is in: Gobama!

January 4th 2008 03:18
Obama has won the Iowa caucus with 37% followed by Hillary Clinton and Edwards something or another who tied in at 30 (slightly in Edwards favour).

So GOBAMA! Teach that Clinton/Edwards a lesson in manners! You might nto be an old man but at least you're looking ahead to... a bright future in politics


[ Click here to read more ]
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So the whole 'lets pick whose going to run next for president' elections will be starting in the US sometime soon. According to Australia it should be happening today, according to the US it will be happening tomorrow. Well since the electionsare in the US I guess it's tomorrow.

I would just like to point out that however this thing goes down I win, yes, if Ron Paul wins the damn thing by a cleansweep (unlikely) I win, if he loses it miserably I still win


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Who would have thought... erm, well I'm sure everyone would have known the liberal media would eventually take over honest fair and balanced Fox News. Even Rupert Murdoch is joining in on the fun jumping into bed with Hillary Hussein Clinton:

The mating ritual of the unlikely allies has been under way for months. Clinton set political tongues to wagging last month by attending a Washington party celebrating the 10th anniversary of Fox News, the cable news channel owned by Murdoch.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Some say Ron Paul is a 'true constituionalist', I for one find that to be scary. In 2003 in all his Constitutional wisdom he wrote that "the State of Texas has the right to decide for itself how to regulate social matters like sex, using its own local standards", furthermore he went on to say that "The political left increasingly uses the federal judiciary to do in court what it cannot do at the ballot box: advance an activist, secular, multicultural political agenda of which most Americans disapprove".

...and here's the source
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Am I dissapointed? Yes. Am I surprised? No. Ron Paultards digging up my story (which is in fact critical of the führer but not really showing it) recieved more Diggs in just under seven hours than my little old site recieved in the last 24 hours since its submission!

I can be honest, this blog is still starting up and I'm not all that blindly dedicated to it as I should be, so up until now I've been hovering around the 30 hits a day mark. Well it would seem Doctor Ron Paul almost got me to the frontpage on Digg, on a broken link. That would have been nice, but alas, seems no longer possible. My traffic stats came in at 40 hits, so I guess thats erm... nice


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"We The People Act"

December 17th 2007 08:56
Ron Paul
A True Visionary!
Check out one of the bills Ron Paul drafted and attempted to pass back in 2005 that could have alleviated many of the problems the United States now face in 2007. It clearly shows his foresight into matters where no one else can see them until it's too late.

We the People Act (Introduced in House)

[ Click here to read more ]
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What a Terrible Parent

December 16th 2007 17:26
You would think only the children of dastardly liberals would turn out this bad, apparently not.

In 1998, David Huckabee was among two boys fired from a Boy Scout camp after a stray dog was killed after wandering onto camp property. David Huckabee, 17 at the time, said the dog appeared ill; no charges were filed. The elder Huckabee said then that politics was behind the dog-killing accusation.

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Hillary Clinton in order to prove Barack Obama is a genetically engineered human geared towards unfairly winning the Democratic Presidential nominee (hence in effect make him President of the USA) is now pointing to his kindagarten and grade 3 essays.

In third grade, Senator Obama wrote an essay titled 'I Want To Be a President.' His third grade teacher: Fermina Katarina Sinaga "asked her class to write an essay titled 'My dream: What I want to be in the future.' Senator Obama wrote 'I want to be a President,' she said." [The Los Angeles Times, 3/15/07]

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I think the Liberal party have found their Kim Beazley.
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