AhmedI Am Most Qualified To be US President
March 5th 2008 18:41
There I said it, pending a change of citizenship and place of birth as well as a good additional twenty years to my life I would be best qualified to be the president of the United States, now let me tell you why:
I have considerable experience dealing with foreign countries and nations from all over the world. I know cultures like the back of my hand, I know Turkish people leave their shoes outside the house but Palestinians take it inside. I know certain *asian* cultures have their kitchens outside because the smell of the cooking would kill you in high concentrations inside your house.
I knew what the difference between Shiites and Sunnies before the Iraq war and I know that Kurds are Sunnis and the current classification system is broken because nationality does not equal religion.
I never voted for the Iraq war
I was born in the country we're at war with, surely that gives me some divine powers to know how to end it.
I never voted for the patriot act.
I've never voted to increase spending.
I've never voted to decrease spending.
I've never voted to raise taxes.
I've never voted to lower taxes.
I've never given into lobbyists
I've never turned a lobbyist down.
I know how to secure the borders
I know how to drink tea.
I hate Arabs
I hate westerners
I hate everyone
I love everyone
I have twelve years experience in the public sector, twenty years experience in the humanities sector
I've been a decorated soldier, in a computer game no less
I never once voted for war
I never once voted against war
I've never backed down on any decision I've made
I've never stubbornly held on to any decision I've made
I have by far the cleanest record of any candidate running for president in the history of the United States with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln
I'm white
I'm black
I'm brown
I can be a woman if I wanted
I can be the first white, black, brown, female transvestite president in the history of the United States, that beats what Hillary and Obama have times two.
I value puppy life more than human life
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
I can most certainly answer the phone 3am in the morning, heck, I'd take Hillary on and answer the phone 6am in the morning. I'm writing this and it's 5:30am for crying out loud.
I have considerable experience dealing with foreign countries and nations from all over the world. I know cultures like the back of my hand, I know Turkish people leave their shoes outside the house but Palestinians take it inside. I know certain *asian* cultures have their kitchens outside because the smell of the cooking would kill you in high concentrations inside your house.
I knew what the difference between Shiites and Sunnies before the Iraq war and I know that Kurds are Sunnis and the current classification system is broken because nationality does not equal religion.
I never voted for the Iraq war
I was born in the country we're at war with, surely that gives me some divine powers to know how to end it.
I never voted for the patriot act.
I've never voted to increase spending.
I've never voted to decrease spending.
I've never voted to raise taxes.
I've never voted to lower taxes.
I've never given into lobbyists
I've never turned a lobbyist down.
I know how to secure the borders
I know how to drink tea.
I hate Arabs
I hate westerners
I hate everyone
I love everyone
I have twelve years experience in the public sector, twenty years experience in the humanities sector
I've been a decorated soldier, in a computer game no less
I never once voted for war
I never once voted against war
I've never backed down on any decision I've made
I've never stubbornly held on to any decision I've made
I have by far the cleanest record of any candidate running for president in the history of the United States with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln
I'm white
I'm black
I'm brown
I can be a woman if I wanted
I can be the first white, black, brown, female transvestite president in the history of the United States, that beats what Hillary and Obama have times two.
I value puppy life more than human life
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
I can most certainly answer the phone 3am in the morning, heck, I'd take Hillary on and answer the phone 6am in the morning. I'm writing this and it's 5:30am for crying out loud.
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