AhmedSorry Bitch, The Rapture Happened, and I'm in Heaven
January 2nd 2008 01:56
I know you're confused and bewildered that you're still on gods green earth and not in heaven as you had predicted would happen in 2007.
Let me tell you, you are right, the rapture did happen, so don't you be cursing yourself for being wrong. So no, you're not wrong, in fact, you are splendidly right. Let me tell you, twas a typical hot melbournian day and your family was probably in the pool somewhere (as you said so yourself). Then, like a typical melbournian day after the really typical hot melbournian day it got calleda nd started raining hard.
Thats when Jesus Christ MY lord and saviour came down from the heavens and savoured me. I was somewhat confused as I never believed in your literal translation of Jesus Christ, and I did not really see him being gods son. But who am I to argue the semantics? So off I went to heaven, from which I sit down now with my super fast internet connection (yes, we got internets here too, and it's really fast and doesn't hang on you).
So here I am, browsing porn and watching hi-def youtube from on top of a cloud. All happy and whatnot.
But you sir, you're in trouble. I suggest you read your own guide here,
Yeah, I hate to break it to you but your heads going to roll by Muslim extremists AFTER you recive the mark of the beast on your ass.
Oh woops, looks like you've been too busy preaching to everyone about how much god hates them, guess you forgot that god hates you most for being a know-it-all. Sorry man, hope the apocalypse won't be too hard on you.
Well minus the collapsing mountains I think the Rapture started about five years too late. Guess it takes sometime for Jesus Christ MY saviour (minus lord) to decend from the clouds.
no, no, no, you got it all wrong, see I know better than you because I'm up in heaven right now. So let me just give you my completely 100% accurate verdict on it (since you've had like three and a half years indulging in your own inaccurate views). You don't ask jesus to forgive you, you acknowledge you've screwed up beyond all reason sleeping with your wifes brother and come to the sad conclusion that you'll burn in hell for all of eternity. Though donn't feel bad, you ahd sex outside of wedlock, that would have been enough for eternity in hell.
haha, well good luck with that mate
...and no, Bin Laden is definitely not Mahdi for the obvious reason his name is not Mahdi
Sorry to burst your bubble there. Of course Mahdi has taken on a sort of mythical status, that he'll come and save the world from the evils it has, much like Jesus Christ will come down and save the world. As far as anyone should be concerned such musings are best left to oneself, no ones god to judge whose going to be saved or not, and when someone tries to judge they end up embarrasing themselves beyond all human reaosning.
And hey what the hey, here I am in heaven, and you're down there, prepare for 7 years of suffering
I'm sorry, I just had to, you brought it on yourself with your bullshit.
Let me tell you, you are right, the rapture did happen, so don't you be cursing yourself for being wrong. So no, you're not wrong, in fact, you are splendidly right. Let me tell you, twas a typical hot melbournian day and your family was probably in the pool somewhere (as you said so yourself). Then, like a typical melbournian day after the really typical hot melbournian day it got calleda nd started raining hard.
Thats when Jesus Christ MY lord and saviour came down from the heavens and savoured me. I was somewhat confused as I never believed in your literal translation of Jesus Christ, and I did not really see him being gods son. But who am I to argue the semantics? So off I went to heaven, from which I sit down now with my super fast internet connection (yes, we got internets here too, and it's really fast and doesn't hang on you).
So here I am, browsing porn and watching hi-def youtube from on top of a cloud. All happy and whatnot.
But you sir, you're in trouble. I suggest you read your own guide here,
GET READY FOR SOME HARD TIMES. BEFORE THE TRIBULATION IS OVER, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO RECEIVE THE MARK OF THE BEAST IN YOUR RIGHT HAND OR YOUR FOREHEAD. IF YOU DO RECEIVE IT, YOU WILL DOOM YOUR SOUL TO HELL FOREVER. IF YOU DON'T YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL BE KILLED AND BEHEADED.
Yeah, I hate to break it to you but your heads going to roll by Muslim extremists AFTER you recive the mark of the beast on your ass.
I can just hear some of you right now saying, “why did God allow this to happen to me?” I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not a bad person" People always want to blame God for their bad choices. If you have been left behind, it’s your fault, not God’s. God has been telling everyone this day was coming. You just chose not to listen. Look around, the message has been everywhere. You couldn’t miss it if you tried. God is merciful and gracious. He did not try to take anyone by surprise. He gave everyone a warning and a chance to repent.
Oh woops, looks like you've been too busy preaching to everyone about how much god hates them, guess you forgot that god hates you most for being a know-it-all. Sorry man, hope the apocalypse won't be too hard on you.
Now what? I’m not real sure what you might be able to do at this point. I really don’t think there is a completely safe place anywhere for you. That’s why God wanted you to go up in the rapture. But now the 7 years of tribulation has started. You’ll probably want to try to hide away and not come out till the seven years of tribulation is over. Since there will be nuclear wars, earthquakes, storms, and total devastation, maybe under ground or deep in a cave or a mountain would be the best place. You would still run the risk of the mountain or cave collapsing and being buried alive. The Bible says mountains and islands will be swallowed up in earthquakes. The water and air will be contaminated. There’s going to be destruction and fighting and killing going on everywhere.
Well minus the collapsing mountains I think the Rapture started about five years too late. Guess it takes sometime for Jesus Christ MY saviour (minus lord) to decend from the clouds.
Since you did not ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins, or you ask Him to forgive you but you didn't mean it and you kept on sinning, that is why you are still here. So the first thing you need to do is ask Jesus to come into your heart and forgive you of your sins.
no, no, no, you got it all wrong, see I know better than you because I'm up in heaven right now. So let me just give you my completely 100% accurate verdict on it (since you've had like three and a half years indulging in your own inaccurate views). You don't ask jesus to forgive you, you acknowledge you've screwed up beyond all reason sleeping with your wifes brother and come to the sad conclusion that you'll burn in hell for all of eternity. Though donn't feel bad, you ahd sex outside of wedlock, that would have been enough for eternity in hell.
Don’t give up hope. Don’t communicate with anyone. DON’T ACCEPT THE MARK OF THE BEAST. Hide, pray and stay there till Jesus comes after you.
I know all this sounds extreme. The tribulation is going to be extreme. .
I know all this sounds extreme. The tribulation is going to be extreme. .
haha, well good luck with that mate
...and no, Bin Laden is definitely not Mahdi for the obvious reason his name is not Mahdi
Sorry to burst your bubble there. Of course Mahdi has taken on a sort of mythical status, that he'll come and save the world from the evils it has, much like Jesus Christ will come down and save the world. As far as anyone should be concerned such musings are best left to oneself, no ones god to judge whose going to be saved or not, and when someone tries to judge they end up embarrasing themselves beyond all human reaosning.And hey what the hey, here I am in heaven, and you're down there, prepare for 7 years of suffering
I'm sorry, I just had to, you brought it on yourself with your bullshit.
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